About a week before we left for our trip, Joey made the comment to me that we should probably make a will before we leave. "You know, just in case" he said. It was midnight. He said it and immediately fell asleep for the night. I, on the other hand, spent the next three and a half hours laying in bed worrying. Thanks a lot, honey. Way to put your wife to sleep. (He got an earful the next morning.)
But it got me thinking. You know, about the things you really don't want to think about. Mostly about the kids. We've talked a lot about who would get them if something were to happen to us. The good thing is that we have some amazing family members to choose from. The kids love their grandparents and all of their aunts and uncles. No doubt, they would be happy with any of them. However, the thought of our kids being raised by someone else (even wonderful amazing family members) seemed to unsettle me and cause me to battle with God. I kept having the same argument with Him. I kept telling Him that my kids needed me and shirley it was not ideal for them to lose their parents at such a young age. While I trust His sovereignty and know that His ways are perfect, I couldn't bring myself to accept that His perfect plan for MY kids would include them being raised by someone else other than Joey and I. That just couldn't be his perfect plan.
Or could it?
I started to remember something that I heard Beth Moore say at one of her conferences a number of years ago. She said, "trusting God that something won't happen is NOT trusting God." Ouch. That little bit of truth seems to slap me in the face over and over again.
I must trust God with everything. Trusting God with the what develops my faith. Trusting God with the when develops my patience. Trusting God with the how develops my character. But trusting God with the why? the what if? the are you sure you know what is best? Those are the toughies. But over and over again, God proves himself. He can be trusted. There is no doubt in my mind that trusting God with my what if's and my why's develop that true Christlike mindset that allows me to say "not my will, but yours be done."
Oh that I could trust God more! I am a work in progress. But this I know:
God is trustworthy.
His ways are perfect.
1 comments:
We have thought about this a lot. We had to write a lengthy will for both kiddo's as part of the adoption process.
Then when we traveled for Nehemiah, we left Avi Joy here for 16 days. I went through a lot of "what if while we are in country..." type stuff. Not fun.
But God showed me that if it was part of His Good plan for my kids to NOT be raised by their birthparents, then it could also be part of His Good plan to NOT be raised by their forever parents.
Really hitting the fact that He knows what is best for His child (that being our child).
It then seemed easy for me to let go. Adam and I gave each other permission to remarry, have the kids be raised by step parents and be happy, etc. Hard stuff, but once talked about, its not that overwhelming. (and if we both go, choosing a family to raise them)
Thanks for sharing and reminding us that God is trustworthy.
Natasha
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