My Super Sweet Five

There is or used to be a show on MTV called "My Super Sweet Sixteen" in which spoiled-rotten teeny-bopper divas are followed by camera crews who document the planning and execution of an extravagant birthday party, replete with gold-platted Hummer limos and private performances by a popular vocalist (provided their spoken name consists of a least one or more individual letters). In true reality TV-fashion, what keeps you watching is not the ostentatious bling, but rather the drama created by the ridiculous manner in which these doting parents indulge their little Verucas, which fuels the little Verucas' ungrateful and entitled attitudes. Most sane people watch that and, after quickly turning the channel and taking something for nausea, resolve that they would never allow their daughters to drift so far into that egocentric, don't-care-how-I-want-it-now-mindset. At least, that was my response the one time I watched the show.

Before I go further, I should clarify that our birthday party for Hannah's fifth last weekend was not anywhere close to the excess displayed on TV (except for the gold limo). It was, in all fairness, a birthday party for Hannah, and so we had all the trappings: the song, presents, and cake, but nothing deserving a camera crew. It did however, smack of girly-diva-rockstar-princess-ocity, the likes of which I'm still coming to grips with, and so in my own attempt at recovery, I'm recounting it in blog form.

I also need to point out that my wife is awesome.

Friday, I got home from work to find my backyard full of children: four whole children were skittering around, seeming to defy the second law of thermodynamics. The more they expelled energy, the more energy was created. The cast consisted of Jonah, Hannah, and nieces Anna and Abigail (the latter two on a rent-to-own program). We hopped in the car and began driving to Branson, MO, the Christian Las Vegas. Kelly immediately loaded her specially made "Hannah's B-Day Party Mix" CD, cranked up the base, and we all got our hawk in the sky with Hannah Montana as she told us how to do the Hoedown Throwdown. Next, we were all nodding our heads like "yeah" with Miley Cyrus. (btw- has anyone ever seen Hannah Montana and Clark Kent at the same time? Makes you think.)

Before the Missouri state line all four (yes, four) children had applied their strawberry-flavored lip gloss and strawberry perfume provided them in their personalized Travel Party Packs, and Hannah had already changed into her brand new birthday jammies. Other girlyish- type items distributed included Strawberry Shortcake pencils, markers, notepads, slap bracelets, necklaces, place settings, blue-ray players, Lear Jets, and the like.

The next 38 hours on the road seemed to just fly by as the party mix cd had a staggering 9 whole songs on it, most of which were performed by the latest genetically-engineered Disney child stars. Turns out a dream is a wish your heart makes. It was also during this car trip that I learned that Hannah has learned (from her cousins) how to talxt: the time-saving and ubercool text lingo for tweens and Paris Hilton. When we arrived at the hotel, the kids donned their swimsuits and paddled around at the Lawrence Welk Memorial Indoor Splashatorium. The next morning, we had custom-made birthday doughnuts

along with a manicure and pedicure for those not shaking too badly. (Jonah and I watched the Clone Wars while this was going on.)

After a brief run through an outlet mall, the rest of the day was spent at Silver Dollar City where this was the highlight, as you've already seen.

The following day was Hannah's traditional birthday party at Grammy and Papa's where everyone in the tri-state area attended (thanks again, everyone!). Several weeks ago, Hannah had colored a picture of a birthday cake and told Kelly that it was exactly what she wanted for her own cake. So, naturally, Kelly did her darndest to create that cake for her and I thought it turned out really good.

The problem was gravity, and inertia, and a poor economy. It was, however, delicious, as everyone agreed, and most importantly, Hannah thought it was perfect. She pointed out that it looked a lot like the building we had just seen the day before in Branson.

After cake, we circled around Hannah and watched while she opened her presents. I think she did a fairly good job of taking the time to thank her courtiers. Later however, we learned from a sniveling Hannah that she was kindly reminded by a well-meaning cousin that, quote: "It's not all about you!". Judging from her manner, I think that this had struck a chord in Hannah as she realized the truth in it. After a weekend of indulgence, Hannah was reminded to put things into perspective. Since that time, I have noticed a few glimpses of some truly other-focused behaviors, which although not altogether absent, have previously been few and far-between.

I can say with confidence that this admonition was the best, and hopefully longest-lasting present she (or any of us) could receive.

(For you hardcore Teach and Tickle junkies, I couldn't post this without a link to this.)